October 7, 2018
As long as I could remember I knew that I was going to be a mom. I was always told that I was a “natural” when it came to dealing with kids. I was a laid back person who had patience of a saint. I honestly remember as I was growing up observing & taking mental notes of what “I would or wouldn’t do when I became a parent”. For example, I was raised with the “because I said so” tactic. I couldn’t stand it & I had vowed that I would be a parent that would explain to my children & not just say “because I said so”. You can imagine how defeated I felt the first time I had to say it & how quickly the scary “mom look” went my child’s way because he just was being a sturbborn child that was just not accepting my explanation because he only could see what he wanted.
Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of soul searching because I had come to a point where I felt like I was just going through the motions. I just kept feeling like my life is passing me by. That’s not how I wanted my life to be. When my kids were younger it was hard but I truly enjoyed it because I knew I was completing my purpose in life. My family literally became my whole life with every decision I ever made was to ensure my family’s needs & wants were met.
You see the problem? Well I finally saw it this week. It all came full circle and I was M-A-D. The thing is I’m not at mad at my family. It’s not their fault that I would insist on giving them my piece of pie even though I really wanted it. It’s not their fault that I would do whatever I could to be the “fixer” so they never had to struggle. It’s not their fault that I would use being a control freak as an excuse to why I won’t ask or make them help me around the house.
It’s my fault.
I always tell my children that he or she is the one in control of how people treat them. It is up to them to “teach” people what their boundaries are & to be respectful to them. What am I saying to my daughter & to my sons- once a woman becomes a mother, that’s it? Her wants, desires & interests don’t matter? I am proud to be a devoted mother & wife but I know I need to be devoted to myself as well. My kids will see first hand that they can still be an individual & learn to respect those they love to be an individual as well.
So now, I am a loving, devoted mother who is on the road of self discovery.
What do you do that helps you feel like you are more then just a mom?
Comment below what you love to do just because.
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